Domestic violence hurts families, military readiness Published Oct. 6, 2008 By Suzi Stein Family Advocacy military victim advocate MINOT AIR FORCE BASE, N.D. -- Why doesn't she just leave? It's the first question people ask. She stays because she hopes it will get better. Maybe she will make him happy again. Maybe it will stop. She stays because she is ashamed they have come to this; that she has allowed him to treat her this way; that she has taken him back so many times before. She stays because she doesn't have enough money to start all over again. She hasn't held a job before, or she doesn't earn enough to support herself and the kids. She's scared to try to make it alone. She stays because she is afraid. He has told her she had better never try to leave him. He says he will find her no matter where she goes. He says he'll take the kids and run. He says he will track her down and kill her. She knows he means it. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Minot Air Force Base, along with the Department of Defense, continues to promote a zero tolerance for domestic violence. "Domestic violence is not congruent with Air Force core values and, as such, decreases a member's mission-readiness capability," said Capt. Ethel Tomasi, Family Advocacy officer-in-charge. "It adversely impacts the mission when we can't send troops to where they need to go due to domestic violence." Although domestic violence can and does include physical violence, the core of domestic violence is one person trying to take control over another using intimidation, threats, insults, put- downs, sexual assault, stalking, controlling money or bank accounts, isolation, and so forth. This can occur between couples who are married or unmarried, living together or separate, separated/ divorced couples, or couples who are dating. In the U.S. and abroad, more than a million active duty members and their immediate family members serve in defense of the nation. Among this population are victims and survivors of domestic violence; women, men and children -- all living with the daily reality of mental, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. While domestic violence is often-times perceived strictly as a physical form of abuse, this perception is inaccurate. Domestic violence encompasses several forms of abuse. Developing an in-depth understanding creates awareness and the ability to recognize the warning signs: · Verbal abuse can include yelling, screaming, belittling, criticizing, blaming, and threatening. · Emotional/ psychological abuse includes giving the silent treatment, accusing a partner of having an affair, keeping the partner isolated, monitoring behaviors, manipulating, intimidating, and inflicting fear. · Financial/resource abuse includes withholding or controlling money, selling possessions without mutual approval, withholding child support, not providing food or clothing, and destroying property. · Physical abuse includes biting, slapping, kicking, choking, threatening with a weapon, dragging by hair, pushing, and so forth. · Sexual abuse can include any non-consensual sexual behavior, making constant sexual demands, and forbidding birth control, to name a few. Although the effects and impact of domestic violence are no different to active duty members and their families, there are specific characteristics of military life and its culture that can contribute to the vulnerability of military families, including but not limited to: economic dependence, family stresses related to deployment and reunification, isolation from family and friends due to frequent relocations, and exposure to combat. "Many members engaged in domestic violence will say it doesn't impact their job," Captain Tomasi added. "This is false. A domestic-violence incident impacts a member's work." Family Advocacy on base offers prevention and education for individuals and families who are dealing with domestic-violence issues. Strengthening and preserving families is a major goal of Family Advocacy. To assist in this, Family Advocacy offers therapeutic counseling, crisis intervention, anger-management classes, parenting classes, new-parent support programs and domestic-violence victim advocacy services. Early intervention and prevention are key to breaking the cycle of domestic violence. "In creating awareness about domestic violence, its many facets and prevention, Domestic Violence Awareness Month provides many opportunities to advocate for change and take a stand against domestic violence," Captain Tomasi added. In partnership with the Domestic Violence Crisis Center and the North Dakota Council on Abused Women's Services, Family Advocacy will hold "Take Back the Night," a rally supporting victims of domestic violence, on Oct. 7, at Roosevelt Park in Minot. The rally begins at 6 p.m. with a walk from Roosevelt Park to the Ward County Courthouse and ends with a panel of professionals from the community discussing current changes and trends related to domestic violence during a town hall meeting. In addition, the 5th Medical Group will present the Clothesline Project in the base clinic atrium during the month of October. The Clothesline Project is a display of T-shirts made by victims and survivors of domestic violence sharing their stories and the impact abuse has had on their lives. For more information, questions or concerns about domestic violence, contact base Family Advocacy at 723-5096. "Early intervention is essential to break the cycle of domestic violence," Captain Tomasi added. "We urge members of the base community to access services through the variety of programs Family Advocacy offers."