Young adult dating violence awareness and prevention month Published Jan. 23, 2012 By Capt. John Doti 5th Medical Group Mental Health MINOT AIR FORCE BASE, N.D. -- Every year nearly 1.5 million adolescents and young adults ages 18 - 25 experience physical abuse from a dating partner. One in three adolescents and young adults experience some form of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence. One quarter of all women report some form of lifetime sexual trauma. More than 90 percent of abuse perpetrators are male. Although males are also abused, it is at a much lower rate. Below are some warning signs of abuse in relationships. Take a look at the six most common warning signs and see if they are happening in your relationship or in the relationship of a friend. Dating Violence "Red Flags" No one wants to be abused or battered by someone they care about. Several of the characteristics listed below are escalating red flags that warn us of potential danger in our relationships. Don't confuse intense feelings of love or caring with jealousy or controlling behavior - they are not the same. 1. Jealousy and Possessiveness We often confuse jealousy with a sign that someone really loves us. In reality, it is an emotion that arises out of a sense of insecurity, distrust and suspicion. Jealousy is a human emotion that we all experience from time to time, but a significant jealous streak could be an early warning sign of an abusive person. Your partner may use jealousy as justification for their behavior. An example of possessive behavior may include demands that you spend all of your time with them and becoming angry or spiteful when you want to talk to friends or family. 2. Controlling Behavior Examples of this type of red flag behavior include wanting to know where you are and who you are with all the time, wanting to know what you are doing at all times, controlling who you talk to and what you are allowed to wear, and making all the decisions in the relationship. A person who exhibits this or any other kind of controlling behavior may use violence as a means of control when you refuse to agree with everything they want. 3. Blaming and hypersensitive Be aware of someone who always blames you or others for everything that is not right in his or her life. Pay attention to how someone talks about past relationships. Were ex-partners treated badly or called bad names? Does the person seem to overreact when things don't go their way? 4. Unpredictable mood swings Especially those involving angry outbursts may be a sign of someone who may not be in control of their emotions and can lead to violence and manipulation in a relationship. If a person shifts from angry and abusive to sweet and charming with remorse, it may be a danger sign. 5. Breaking objects/hitting walls Throwing objects, breaking your possessions, or hitting and kicking walls are examples of behaviors that are meant to be intimidating and therefore control your thoughts and behaviors. Often, breaking items is the first step towards physical intimidation and assault. 6. Past use of violence If a person has used violence or other controlling behavior in past relationships, it is likely that those patterns of behavior will continue in new relationships. Any abuse claims made by ex-partners should be taken seriously, even if the person says the claims were made up. Also, once a person becomes violent in a relationship, they will probably continue using violence since they do not have the skills necessary for a healthy relationship. Once initiated, violence is likely to escalate throughout the relationship. Notice the escalation of controlling thoughts and behaviors in your relationship before it leads to violence. Get informed, get help, and get out of an abusive relationship. Additional Resources The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE National teen dating abuse hotline 1-866-331-9474 Love is not abuse http://loveisnotabuse.com A thin line - Help define the line between innocent and inappropriate http://www.athinline.org/ STRYVE - Striving to reduce youth violence everywhere http://www.safeyouth.gov Center for healthy teen relationships http://www.nomeansknow.com/ Break the cycle http://www.breakthecycle.org/ CDC - Dating the violence http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/intimatepartnerviolence/index.html Point of Contact: FAP Clinic 723-5096 - Capt. Lea Laffoon, Capt. John Doti, and Staff Sgt. Caton Todd